Renaldo, the Little Gay Bulldozer that Could

They’re expanding the highway next to the office. All manner of earthmovers have been buzzing around for the last month. Most of them are the standard Cat yellow. The rest are generic gray. But today, there was a special one: a bulldozer that was entirely lavender--with large pink protective bumpers.

Considering the macho culture of construction workers, it seemed odd, to say the least, that they’d procure equipment that looked like this. Like the Little Engine that Could, I imagine this very special bulldozer has a heartwarming back-story full of obstacles overcome; worthiness proven; and prejudices dispelled.

Construction Worker #1: We need a bulldozer to move this huge pile of gravel. Pronto! Or Christmas is cancelled.

Construction Worker #2: But the only bulldozer available is Renaldo, and he’s….he’s…you know [bends wrist]

Construction Worker #1: Godamnit! We’re not building no goddamned Judy Garland Museum here. If that gravel's not moved, the foreman’s going to fire us all! The entire crew’s gonna be jobless right before goddamneded Christmas. Before it gets cancelled.

[Renaldo starts his ignition and tries his hardest to move the impossible pile of gravel—he keeps trying and trying until he succeeds!]

Construction Worker #1: Well, I’ll be, scrappy little Renaldo really did it!

Construction Worker #2: Our jobs are saved! We in the construction industry will now reevaluate our deeply unfair hetero-normative assumptions.

[The construction workers, Renaldo, and a heterosexual cement mixer all come together to sing a haunting rendition of Silent Night, which fades into a techno remix of Cher’s “Believe”]