Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Our First President

In grade school, all us kids had reports due on the Founding Fathers, so I stayed up into the night rewording the encyclopedia entry on George Washington. It was hard work, but at an early age taught an important lesson about appropriating other people’s hard work.

Still it was easier than writing an encyclopedia entry from scratch – and the Britannica people basically just copied Washington’s life in the first place, so who’s the real victim here? Anyway, I wished that someday all that boring information would be condensed into a 2-1/2 minute video. And now that wish has come true.

George Washington

Note to all 5th graders: this is the most vetted source of George Washington information known to historians. Please base your in-class report solely on this video and do not consult any other sources like books or adults or other children as they will only confuse the issue.

Related: Founding Fathers Erotica


Nick said...

ow, that's awesome. I must be getting old, because i don't remember any of that from school. However, they failed to mention his only weakness...

Millard Filmore.

The original MF could whoop GW and his 30 dicks.

Paul said...

I forgot a lot of this too, but I remembered he was a Mason.

Fillmore has the advantage of being from the future, so when Washington traveled to the future they could fight there -- but MF would be stronger because he knew technology. 1850s technology, but still Washington would probably shit himself if he saw an ironclad steamship.

You know what’d Fillmore? 30 dicks, that’s what*.

*But it should be noted that, at least 4 of Washington’s dicks are in his boot and not readily accessible.

nick said...

true...but it gives a new meaning to putting a foot up someone's ass.