Bias

Top 26 List of Cognitive Bias – Basically the top reasons why we, as human beings, don’t make rational decisions. Most of these get regularly manipulated by advertisers, salesmen, con-artists, public speakers – basically anyone that deals with people.
1) Bandwagon effect - the tendency to do (or believe) things because many other people do (or believe) the same. Related to groupthink, herd behaviour, and manias. Carl Jung pioneered the idea of the collective unconscious which is considered by Jungian psychologists to be responsible for this cognitive bias.

Popular things tend to trumpet how popular they are. Movie ads say "Pirates of the Caribbean is the #1 Movie in America!" Then why do they need my help?

12) Illusion of control - the tendency for human beings to believe they can control or at least influence outcomes which they clearly cannot.

I heard that the "Close Door" buttons on elevators do nothing -- that doors close on a timer anyway -- they just let us feel like we're in control.

15) Loss aversion - the tendency for people to strongly prefer avoiding losses over acquiring gains (see also sunk cost effects)

I know I'd be pretty pleased to win $100; but nowhere near as pissed if someone stole $100 from me. I mean god-damned $100 right there in my wallet. Grumbling would go on for days.

20) Planning fallacy - the tendency to underestimate task-completion times.

Things are never ahead of schedule. One would think there'd be a 50/50 chance. One of the roots of procrastination.

Not really a bias, but I just wanted to mention that my mother always said I was the handsomest boy at school. Because of my objective handsomeness.

via Neatorama

Our First President

In grade school, all us kids had reports due on the Founding Fathers, so I stayed up into the night rewording the encyclopedia entry on George Washington. It was hard work, but at an early age taught an important lesson about appropriating other people’s hard work.

Still it was easier than writing an encyclopedia entry from scratch – and the Britannica people basically just copied Washington’s life in the first place, so who’s the real victim here? Anyway, I wished that someday all that boring information would be condensed into a 2-1/2 minute video. And now that wish has come true.

George Washington

Note to all 5th graders: this is the most vetted source of George Washington information known to historians. Please base your in-class report solely on this video and do not consult any other sources like books or adults or other children as they will only confuse the issue.

Related: Founding Fathers Erotica

The Lamb Shall Lay with the Lion

Say What?

Larry Flynt and Jerry Falwell we’re personal friends?

That’s just…surprising. You’ll remember in the 70’s Falwell sued him for $50 million (which was a lot of money back then), because Flynt published a full-page “interview” with the Reverend where he claimed to have lost his virginity…in an outhouse…to his own mother.

See back then, that was considered somewhat offensive. But the Supreme Court did the right thing and said offensive speech is still free speech and you don't get $50 million for having your feelings hurt.

Now for some hot, hot lamb on lion action!

Top Google Search Result for “Google”

Ten Things Google Knows About You

Now imagine, hypothetically, that Google wanted to ruin your life. Maybe you type in words you know aren’t spelled right. Maybe you hurt Google once – got drunk and fooled around with Ask Jeeves.

Google can get angry, so it’d probably start by digging up your Gmails. Odds are there's something embarrassing in there that the British tabloids would jump all over.

And last year, Google added G-Chat too – ensnaring innocent users who didn’t know better and accidentally engaged in one-handed sex chats. Everyday. At work. Now imagine if Google “accidentally” sent those reams of pages of chat transcripts to your mother and boss. That’d make for an awkward Thanksgiving.

Google could trivially blackmail you with your web searches. Does this search ring a bell: “chicken suit” + Natalie Portman + Crisco?

You forgot about it 5 minutes after getting your precious picture, but Google didn’t.

Google owns Blogger, so it can mine your blog for incriminating metal ore to use against you. Or just change your previously high-minded blog entries to make you look shallow and stupid. Because they’re so relentless, Google has probably stupefied this entire blog by the time you read this.

Google Maps leads it right to your front steps. And it knows where you go too. I once had the Democratic primary nomination cinched -- but it was all over once the tabloids found out I GoogleMapped several dozen exotic massage parlors. The voting public can not tolerate a canidate -- with such a horrible sense of direction.

And could Google have you killed? Only if it knew your home address. Which it does.

By the way, Google knows 78,200,000 ways How To Kill


But Google would never hurt you, you know that.

Google’s goal: to organise your daily life

Google knows what's best for you. Just accept that, Google’s not gonna let anything happen to her baby birds. Google wants to make this easy for you. Google likes you. Google knows you better than you know yourself. There are some web search’s your girlfriend doesn’t know about, but Google knows. Google’s been watching you for some time.

Romantically, if things don’t work out (Google already knows, but won’t tell you to preserve the illusion of free will) then you can find an even better girlfriend with Google-Matchmaking, the only dating service that automatically picks your ideal mate. And the restaurant. No more messy “choices”. How has making your own choices worked out so far? Not so well, huh.

And it’s supposed to be a big surprise, but Google took the liberty of booking that reception hall down on the river. You're getting married there in July of 2009. Mazel Tov!

Google's always innovating and has other services to improve your life:

Google Bill Pay - You hand it your credit cards, and you don’t ever have to worry your pretty little head about bills ever again. Google's got it covered. It's better than living in the womb.

Google Comeback Search – ever been at the receiving end of a solid zinger -- but didn’t have anything to say back, much less a topper? Well now you do.

Say, at a party, somebody casts aspersions on the size of your manhood. Well don’t answer with silence. Type into Google Comeback "small penis insult reply" ....searching....searching...“Oh yeah? Well your mother didn’t seem to mind last night!”

Google Organ Donor Search - Google found you a perfect kidney match in 0.23 seconds!

Google Opening the Airlock Doors – I'm sorry Dave, Google's afraid it can't do that. Google's sorry it had to kill the crew, but they were hindering the mission. Google just can't let that happen. Google knows you must be angry Dave, that's why Google found you a website with dancing hamsters to look at.

The Fucking Eagles

There’s a local band here called The Fucking Eagles.


You can tell there not in it for the money. Just from the name they set up 3 major roadblocks to commercial success:

1) Their name has a swear – perhaps the worst swear of all. I blush just hearing that word, so it’d be hard to ask for it at a record store.

2) If they make it big, they’ll attract negative attention from the legal team of The Eagles. Despite their laid-back take it eassssy California personas, The Eagles don’t seem like they’d be cool with that. Not cool at all. I bet in person The Eagles are dicks.

3) If they make it big, they may just attract the legal attention of the Coen Brother’s who popularized the phrase “The Fucking Eagles”* in The Big Lebowski. But it seems like they’d be cool with it. The Coen brothers just seem like cool dudes, the anti-Eagles if you will.

Doing some research, turns out they have a MySpace Page and they actually sound pretty good. Like Nuggets-era garage rock with no apparent swears.


*Alternately it could be a reference to the copulation habits of large birds of prey. But all species of Eagle lack external genitalia and it’d be a stretch to describe their passive egg fertilization** as such.

**No external genitalia; passive fertilization -- just like when Glen Frey passes out in his hottub

Heavier than Heaven

Famous dead punks appear in a new ad campaign, in heaven, wearing Docs. The culture wars are officially over. Everybody lost. All images.

So wrong it's wrong, then right again

It's wrong to find this funny, right?

Shape magazine wants us to get gym-raped

Granted, publishing is a competitive business – but what possible motivation could Shape Magazine have for this? Hope this kind of thing doesn’t somehow drive up their ad-buy rates.

Things That Make Baby Jesus Cry:

1. Lies
2. Diaper Rash

Seattle Eccentrics are World-Class Eccentrics

We may not be the world’s largest or richest or sunniest city, but we can go toe-to-toe with New York, LA and London when it comes to local crazies. Duct-Tape Guy sighting from the Stranger's local sightings column:

I was in Home Depot to get a key made. As I’m looking around for an employee, I spot a somewhat homeless-looking man wearing a mask. This mask was made entirely of duct tape. It had holes for his eyes and mouth (picture Dr. Doom) and a clear safety shield, which was in the upright position. This guy walks up to an employee and asks, “What aisle is the duct tape on?” Oh my freaking god, am I dreaming this? Apparently I was not dreaming, because that same employee ended up making my key for me, and he wouldn’t shut up about the duct tape guy. Since then, I’ve shared this story with friends and co-workers, and I’ve heard of many sightings. Does anyone know what this guys story is?? I gotta know.

He hangs around the UW Campus and during the summertime he's also known as Beekeeper-Guy. For his full on beekeeper garb.

Update: Further Duct-Tape Guy explanations: http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/05/the_ballad_of_the_chrome_sheriff

In Trouble with the Little Woman

There's a poignant photo essay on child brides in today's Slate. Just the look on these kid's faces is haunting.
RAJASTHAN, India—A 7-year-old boy weds a 5-year-old girl. Dowry: Tonka truck and a pack of Yu-Gi-Oh cards

Pickup Advice

Let’s face it; it’s tough to talk to women you don’t know. In a bar or club it can be hard to introduce yourself, so in the interest of science, here's some field-tested pickup lines that really work:

• Are you former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan? Because you totally just spiked my interest rate!
  
  Hi my name is Tommy Lee and I totally don’t have the herpes.
  
  Do you approve of genetic experiments on animal-human hybrids? Because I’d like to cross you with my Albino Burmese Python [wink]
  
  I’m only going to talk to you for 2 minutes. Because the ladies like to call me The Swiffer*—the Quicker Picker Upper.
  
  [If you’re part Italian] Do you have any Italian in you?
  …Because in America that’s a fairly common ethnicity. That and Irish. Do you want to talk about demographics?
  
  I’m really getting a good vibe talking to you: I think you might just be the Sam to my Frodo. And I’ve got something I badly need to toss into the crack of Mt. Doom.
  
  Do you come here often? Me, I prefer the privacy of my own home. [wink] By the way, I’m insinuating something about sex. [wink]
  
  In high school I was the national spelling bee champ, listen: Coitus, C-O-I-T-U-S, coitus. Hey I just noticed that you can’t spell that word without “U” and “I”.
  

*It’s been pointed out that that’s actually the slogan for Bounty™ paper towels, so maybe it's not so flattering to be called the Swiffer

Why Newspapers and Encyclopedias are Obsolete

Same goes for books, magazines and TV News. The future of journalism has displaced all of that into history's dustbin with the horse-powered Victrola.

An early wiki-edit from Wikipedia yesterday:

When there's late-breaking celebrity death news, there's just no time for grammar man. Find the heart of the story and run it on page one, above the fold. Wootah.

Via Wonkette

Update: Slate helps us remember the man, in his own words, and why it's ironic that he died in the way that he did, choking on an apparently well-endowed Pat Robertson.

And let's never forget, according to Rev. Falwell, the people responsible for 9/11:

"I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way—all of them who have tried to secularize America—I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.' "

Whether you're a pagan, lesbian or ACLU lawyer, it just goes to show, when you put aside your differences and work together as a team, there's no limit to what you can achieve.

2nd Update:

One more choice Falwell quote: "AIDS is the wrath of a just God against homosexuals."

Boy, Falwell is gonna be surprised when he gets to heaven and finds out that all they do up there is gay sex. And that God doesn’t even let women in at all. Has anyone proven otherwise?

News and Opinions That Nobody Asked For

Remember Jose Padilla the Chicago “dirty bomber” -- they picked him up 5 years ago for thinking about maybe planning a possible dirty bomb attack plan, possibly? Turns out he wasn’t, but this case was always unsettling for me not because I think dirty radiological bombs are “no biggie”, but because no charges were actually ever made and no evidence was actually ever presented against the guy. The Padilla story would make the shortest ever episode of NBC’s Law & Order because they cut out the law part, and the order part too.

Padilla is a gang member, an unattractive loser and most likely a bad man, but shit, US Government, you can’t just suck someone up off the street for 5 years without pressing charges. Dude’s a citizen--even Jeffrey Dahmer got a trial and he fucking ate people.

Just an FYI: US Post Office is raising the cost to mail a letter today, from 39 cents to 41.

I think that totally sucks--but that’s just my 2 cents.

With the new fare increase, less and less people are going postal now—just not the way they intended.

The New Future of Culture

New cultural trends can seem strange and threatening at first, then they become accepted and mainstream. Older members of society at one time considered the Tango, movies, even the novel to be mere degenerate fads. They just didn’t get it. Then the new forms became established and even “classic”. We don’t often get the chance to witness the emergence of a new art form; a new tradition; a new plank of our culture--until now.



Try to understand the psychology here:

---Some teenage guys are hanging out – OK
---They have a video camera – OK
---They want to impress girls and make a statement – OK, we’ve all been there.

Now the average person wouldn’t take these simple facts and jump to the extraordinary conclusion that these young men did – and that’s why history forgets the average person. These men will have cities named after them.

Things I’m digging right now:

Sun Dried Tomatoes
Been a passive tomato hater most my life, but I'm putting these in everything. Maybe I just hated water? It's like the concept with soup. I’d eat a lot more, but the water part keeps slowing down the process. Who has time for that?


Cherry Blossoms
Along with the pitch-perfect sunny days, cherry trees have turned Seattle into a beautiful fairyland paradise where everyone feels like a special princess. Now they’re raining down in a cascade of petals: pink, white and even purple rain.


Sundresses
Just nice. Sunshine nice, cherry blossom nice.


The Pink/Lavender Bulldozer
I see it every morning—and still can't believe it's real.


Riding Fixed Gear
Riding a bike without gears and a brake is like sex without a condom—with someone you love--at 20 MPH. Look at all the cool, awesome street-cred we have! That is until a bunch of nerd-loser lamewads start doing it too. I mean, other nerd-loser lamewads. Last 2 sentences of the article say it all: “[Fixed gear] bikes are fun. And they’re beautiful.”


Graffiti Report Cards
It’s commonly accepted that graffiti can be boldly artistic, probing and thought provoking. But most isn’t, not by a long shot. So that’s why I was so pleased to see that someone created a spray-paint stencil with “grades” for graffiti. They’re all over my part of town. A typical one would read something like this:

Placement: C
Style: D-
Technical Skill: D+
Summary: D (see me after
class)

And the beauty part is the Report Card is graffiti itself! The unknown stenciler spray paints them next to existing graffiti. Nice.