Brain Gets Tricked -- Porn Turns Us On

When you sit down and think about it, porn shouldn't turn us on. Noone can mate with a magazine or a raise a family with a jpeg. Yet, turn us on it does. Science says our brains are still hard-wired with Stone Age thinking, when an erotic image meant an erotic actuality. Now the two are independent.

When the environment undergoes rapid change within the space of a generation or two, as it has been for the last couple of millennia, if not more, then evolution can’t happen because nature can’t determine which traits to select and which to eliminate. So they remain at a standstill. Our brain (and the rest of our body) are essentially frozen in time — stuck in the Stone Age.

One example of this is that when we watch a scary movie, we get scared, and when we watch porn we get turned on. We cry when someone dies in a movie. Our brain cannot tell the difference between what’s simulated and what’s real, because this distinction didn’t exist in the Stone Age.

Related: Why Do Beautiful Women Sometimes Marry Unattractive Men?

It may be that the unattractive man has a lot of money, or some other compelling attribute.

Compelling attributes, now they tell me! Something I wish I read in college.

Never happened to me

but other people might find it useful to know

Economics of Faking Orgasms

sex+tech+law

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Shot of Double Sexpresso

They say that New York City is where America happens first. Meaning trends start there and spread to the rest of the country. Well, Seattle is where America happens first -- in regards to coffee.

Why? Because we seriously loves us some coffee. Starbucks started here and basically defined the American coffee shop experience. Seattle's Best and Tully's are finally making national inroads now too.

Other coffee trends that started in Seattle:

Free wi-fi in coffee shops…we started that. Organic shade-grown free-trade mumbo jumbo to make everyone feel good about themselves…also a Seattle original.

I think we were early in on chocolate-covered espresso bean craze too; and the passive-aggressive veneer of civility…probably not related to coffee but also from Seattle.

On my street alone there are two unexpected hybrid-businesses: Latte Repair – a small appliance repair shop and coffee shop; and Espresso Dental – which insanely enough combines a dentist’s office and espresso stand! (Ask about their teeth whitening special)

That’s why I feel confident enough to inform America about your next coffee related mega-trend courtesy of Seattle: Erotic Fantasy Coffee. Read about it here: The cups will runneth over at ChickaLatte

What: Drive-through coffee stands now featuring sexy, scantily-clad baristas making your favorite coffee drinks

Where: several locations in the Seattle area

Who: Vaguely creepy-looking entrepreneur (ChickaLatte founder on the left) desperate to make money in the over-saturated coffee biz.

How: Desperate entrepreneur cheaply hires attractive young women to make coffee while they wear lingerie or fantasy fetish costumes. They give customers a sultry look while taking out the trash.

Why: Since at least the 1980s, men have been attracted to sexy women. Fantasy Coffee let’s them ogle sexy women while they drive 10 miles out of their way to buy the morning joe. And men will naturally want to stick big tips in the baristas’ tip jar.

And both get you up in the morning. Quote from the story in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer:

24-year-old barista Megan Frazer looked a little chilly, herself, in her "Ice Princess" ensemble -- a brief, light-blue nightie, emphasis on light, slit up the side to show lacy panties. Accents included a tiara and furry white booties. "Actually it gets really hot in here," she assured me.

That seems like gratuitous reporting for a family newspaper, but I'm not complaining since I like my coffee how I like my women: hot, bitter and keeping me awake all night.

Cheesy joke aside, more and more, the movie Idiocracy predicts the future of American culture. Remember how in the year 3000, the “Gentleman’s Latte” was just a euphemism for handjob? The future is almost here.

Like Peacocks

Newish Human Evolution Theory: Our big brainy brains have many uses, but they're bigger than they have to be because they're mostly for show. Showy brains, like excessive antlers, help get potential mates interested.

Like when you see caribou, first thing you notice is it's amazing rack.

The science money shot:

His idea is that the human brain is the anthropoid equivalent of the peacock's tail. In other words, it is an organ designed to attract the opposite sex. Of course, brains have many other functions, and the human brain shares those with the brains of other animals. But Dr Miller, who works at the University of New Mexico, thinks that mental processes which are uniquely human, such as language and the ability to make complicated artefacts, evolved originally for sexual display.

But for the human animal, it goes both ways:

One important difference between peacocks' tails and human minds, of course, is that the peahen's accoutrement is a drab affair. No one could say the same of the human female psyche. That, Dr Miller believes, is because people, unlike peafowl, bring up their offspring in families where both sexes are involved in parenting. It thus behoves a man to be as careful about choosing his wife as a woman is about choosing her husband.

This Dr. Miller sounds pretty smart. And therefore sexually desirable.

Pickup Advice

Let’s face it; it’s tough to talk to women you don’t know. In a bar or club it can be hard to introduce yourself, so in the interest of science, here's some field-tested pickup lines that really work:

• Are you former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan? Because you totally just spiked my interest rate!
  
  Hi my name is Tommy Lee and I totally don’t have the herpes.
  
  Do you approve of genetic experiments on animal-human hybrids? Because I’d like to cross you with my Albino Burmese Python [wink]
  
  I’m only going to talk to you for 2 minutes. Because the ladies like to call me The Swiffer*—the Quicker Picker Upper.
  
  [If you’re part Italian] Do you have any Italian in you?
  …Because in America that’s a fairly common ethnicity. That and Irish. Do you want to talk about demographics?
  
  I’m really getting a good vibe talking to you: I think you might just be the Sam to my Frodo. And I’ve got something I badly need to toss into the crack of Mt. Doom.
  
  Do you come here often? Me, I prefer the privacy of my own home. [wink] By the way, I’m insinuating something about sex. [wink]
  
  In high school I was the national spelling bee champ, listen: Coitus, C-O-I-T-U-S, coitus. Hey I just noticed that you can’t spell that word without “U” and “I”.
  

*It’s been pointed out that that’s actually the slogan for Bounty™ paper towels, so maybe it's not so flattering to be called the Swiffer

Planting the Flags of our Fathers

U.S. troops used 'comfort women' after WWII

In post-war Japan, tens of thousands of women were employed to provide cheap sex to U.S. troops until the spring of 1946, when Gen. Douglas MacArthur shut the brothels down.

Funny, I don’t remember Grandpa including this in his war stories.

Kaburagi wrote that occupation GIs paid upfront and were given tickets and condoms. The first RAA brothel, called Komachien -- The Babe Garden -- had 38 women, but due to high demand that was quickly increased to 100. Each woman serviced from 15 to 60 clients a day.

60 clients a day? Assuming a standard 8-hour workday with OSHA approved coffee breaks…that means servicing a serviceman every 8 minutes. Now who’s the real war hero? Most troops only got shot at a few times.

But in all seriousness, this is pretty horrible. Comfort Women were often coerced, some say enslaved into prostitution for the Japanese armed forces. And these documents show that US troops were complicit in maintaining the heinous status quo after the war. Again, Grandpa never mentioned this.

The World’s Top Sexual Fetish

World’s Top Sexual Fetish Is…[drum roll]….Feet and/or Shoes!


Who knew?

Well scientists now know, and they’re rather pleased with themselves.

Results from the largest global study of sexual kinks ever undertaken show that feet and shoes show that by far the most common turn-ons. “Fetish” in this case meaning something that enhances sexual interest, but is not required for it.

The researchers conducting the survey didn’t ask how many respondents had a white lab coat and/or scientist fetish. Otherwise they could’ve shown them the test tubes.

Researchers from the University of Bologna found that, among sexual preferences for body parts, feet and toes were the most popular, with 47 per cent of those sampled preferring them. They also found that, when it came to objects associated with the body, shoes, boots and other footwear scored 64 per cent.

So when you walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. Is it really that altruistic…is it? It’s easy to see why women are looking for a good foot, but why are guys so into football? Now it just sounds that much dirtier.

The survey, based on the views of men and women, also revealed some of the more obscure objects of affection. These included 150 people with a penchant for hearing aids.

What’s that you say? I didn’t quite catch that. Speak a little louder into my hearing aid. Oh yeah, like that. Turn that volume up. Filter out the ambient noise. Oh yes. Amplify. Oh god, I love how you amplify that signal!

Some 12 per cent were turned on by underwear, 9 per cent by coats, body fluids and body size, 7 per cent by hair, 5 per cent by muscles, and 4 per cent by genitals and 4 percent by body modifications such as tattooing.

Only 4% have a genital fetish? I was under the impression that everyone was kinda, you know into them. And not just metaphorically. It’s sort of like saying some straight men have a naked lady fetish.


[Via Slog]