Pickup Advice

Let’s face it; it’s tough to talk to women you don’t know. In a bar or club it can be hard to introduce yourself, so in the interest of science, here's some field-tested pickup lines that really work:

• Are you former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan? Because you totally just spiked my interest rate!
  
  Hi my name is Tommy Lee and I totally don’t have the herpes.
  
  Do you approve of genetic experiments on animal-human hybrids? Because I’d like to cross you with my Albino Burmese Python [wink]
  
  I’m only going to talk to you for 2 minutes. Because the ladies like to call me The Swiffer*—the Quicker Picker Upper.
  
  [If you’re part Italian] Do you have any Italian in you?
  …Because in America that’s a fairly common ethnicity. That and Irish. Do you want to talk about demographics?
  
  I’m really getting a good vibe talking to you: I think you might just be the Sam to my Frodo. And I’ve got something I badly need to toss into the crack of Mt. Doom.
  
  Do you come here often? Me, I prefer the privacy of my own home. [wink] By the way, I’m insinuating something about sex. [wink]
  
  In high school I was the national spelling bee champ, listen: Coitus, C-O-I-T-U-S, coitus. Hey I just noticed that you can’t spell that word without “U” and “I”.
  

*It’s been pointed out that that’s actually the slogan for Bounty™ paper towels, so maybe it's not so flattering to be called the Swiffer