America?
I guess that’s a pretty vague question, but it’s like seeing an ex-girlfriend 8 years later on the street….oh Linda? You think you recognize them, but aren’t 100% sure. So it’s kind of *the* question from the last couple of years. Like in regards to the torture and wire-tapping and whatnot. In terms of recognizability, it’s like putting on a few pounds. And getting a full face-tattoo. Anyway, to answer the question. America?
The answer now is: America!
Everyone knows it’s over, but my theory is that the Clinton camp also knows it too and isn’t actually fighting right now. Like a welterweight pulling her punches, she’s just moving her feet and biding time to drop out right after the Oregon primary on May 20th. She’s even taken the unsanctioned metal slugs out of her gloves.
North Carolina was the knock-out; a lot of people are saying that now. 2 months before North Carolina, it was actually already over, but she was hanging in there, hoping for a major Obama screw-up like the classic “found in a hotel room with a dead girl or a live boy”--and also filmed taking a dump on the American flag while smoking a cigarette. That’s the only combination of things that could’ve derailed him and given her the nom. Didn’t happen, but it was worth a shot.
So why wait until Oregon? Because she’s actually going to be a team-player and make Obama look good. The problem is, Clinton will win the 2 unimportant hillbilly states that are up next on the primary schedule: West Virginia and Kentucky*. And it’d look real bad for BHO if she dropped out and still won them. So that’s why she’s waiting until Oregon to be gone.
So here’s my testable prediction: Clinton drops out on May 21st.
So this video will only be funny for the next 9 days and only if you’ve been following the race – but if so this will slay you:
Love the nervous looks on the Nazi officers’ faces as they get reamed again and again, “I’m surrounded with ignorant eunuchs, with cunts for eyes!” There is so much to like about that video.
*Calling a whole state unimportant might be a little offensive, but I was born here so it’s like OK to trash talk those banjo-picking, corn mash-distillin’ motherfuckers. And it’s not like they’ll know how to work a computer to ever read this.
Nation of Retards
How dumb are Americans? A fifth of you think most of the 9/11 hijackers were from Iraq, which makes sense as 41% of you think the September 11, 2001, attacks were an Iraqi military operation. An elite 11% were able to identify the chief justice of the Supreme Court.
If you’ve wondered who could possibly approve of Dick Cheney, it is likely the same 10% who believe the American or British empires predate the Roman Empire, or the 8% who chose “sports utility vehicles” as the one thing that definitely does not contribute to global warming.
Related: I just watched Mike Judge’s Idiocracy; at times it was so stupid and also not-stupid. It’s already getting a cult following on DVD like his Office Space did.
Here’s a litmus test. If this clip makes you laugh, then you should rent the film ASAP. If it’s just weird to you, then you definitely shouldn’t, cause you'll really hate the movie.
It’s almost a dystopian science fiction film, in a way. In the future, people have been dumbed-down so much that the top TV show is called "Ow, My Balls” which only shows a guy hurting his balls. The clips of this show-within-a-movie can be enjoyed on two levels. First as cutting cultural commentary, revealing the poisonous anti-elitism in our society. And also on the level of it being funny watching a guy kicked in the balls.
Of the many good scribes at Slate, I really like Tim Noah. And this article shows why. He does his research, understands the issues and keeps an obscure topic lively.
Read it here.
Long story short, the Baby Einstein Company founder sat next to the First Lady during the President’s recent State of the Union address. Every year, a few lucky American Heroes get this honor. This year there were 3:
1) That guy who recently jumped under a NYC subway to save a stranger
2) A soldier in Iraq who fought off an enemy attack with shrapnel in his legs and bullets in his arms
3) The woman who started the Baby Einstein Company – they make videos for babies.
This is an example of a puzzle for babies called “which one doesn’t belong here”
So anyway, she’s rich now and in 2004, she and her husband gave $5,000 to the Republican National Committee. Probably just a coincidence.
When the Baby Einstein founder writes into Slate to argue about being treated unfairly, Noah’s reply is even more researched and twice as damning:
http://www.slate.com/id/2158738
Choice quote concerning Baby Einstein’s claims to making your baby smarter through the magic of TV:
By all accounts, what Baby Einstein videos are really good for is distracting the baby while Mom or Dad sneaks off to take a shower. I'm a parent myself, and I well remember those moments when a baby could feel like the commandant of a particularly inhumane prisoner-of-war camp. (No, you may not go to the toilet! I don't care how long you've been waiting!) But you didn't market these videos under the brand name Baby Hypnotize or Baby Chloroform. You marketed them under the name Baby Einstein. That's deceptive.Ha, Baby Chloroform! Most parents actually call them Baby Crack (no really). And the parallels are uncanny:
