I (heart) the ACLU

Of course my first reaction to the whole Senator-Craig-Gay-Bathroom-Stall-Saga was gleeful schadenfreude. When a powerful homophobic Senator gets busted for soliciting sleazy gay sex, that’s just too deliciously perfect! But the more I think about it, why are police officers going into our men’s rooms in the first place? Presumably the socializing going on in the Minneapolis airport bathroom is all victimless and consensual. The whole racket smells of entrapment. And today the ACLU agrees by filing friend-of-the-court brief:

"Sen. Craig has not always been a great friend of civil liberties, but you shouldn't have to endorse the civil liberties of others to keep your own," said ACLU Executive Director Anthony Romero, alluding to Craig's history of voting against gay rights. "Sen. Craig has not always been a great friend of civil liberties, but you shouldn't have to endorse the civil liberties of others to keep your own," said ACLU Executive Director Anthony Romero, alluding to Craig's history of voting against gay rights.

Hear, hear! You’ve got to admire that the ACLU supports unpopular people and causes who happen to be right with the Mother-Lovin’ Constitution. Our forefathers were pretty explicit that even enormous assholes have the right to privacy, free speech, etc. Also I personally love that even if the ACLU successfully defends the Senator in court, he’s still screwed. And not in the way he was hoping.

sex+tech+law

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Bong Hits 4 Jesus – Update

The case of the Bong Hits 4 Jesus banner has just been ruled on…

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The Supreme Court ruled against a former high school student Monday in the "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" banner case -- a split decision that limits students' free speech rights.

Joseph Frederick was 18 when he unveiled the 14-foot paper sign on a public sidewalk outside his Juneau, Alaska, high school in 2002.

Principal Deborah Morse confiscated it and suspended Frederick. He sued, taking his case all the way to the nation's highest court.

The justices ruled 6-3 that Frederick's free speech rights were not violated by his suspension over what the majority's written opinion called a "sophomoric" banner.

The Supreme Court is wrong, wrong, wrong here. Whether the banner was “sophomoric” or the deepest E=MC-squared Shakespeare NPR shit, the First Amendment protects it. Or is supposed to. If high school students aren’t allowed to say sophomoric things, then how can they say anything at all? We might as well just cauterize their mouths. Which maybe isn't bad idea anyway.

In an ironic twist, the student in this legal case is supported by conservative Christian groups who rightfully fear that the ruling will have a chilling effect on speech – in their case religious expression in schools, such as speech that opposes homosexuality or abortion.

In a second ironic twist, the lead prosecutor against free student speech is none other than Kenneth Starr – famous for investigating Clinton during the Monica Lewinsky years. Back then, Starr was all about saying dirty, dirty things in public. Now he’s all “think of the children” and still a sexually frustrated pervert.

It's indicative of our upside down times, that the highest court in the land is enmeshed in debate that somehow gets Monica Lewinsky; conservative Christians and Alaskan stoners; on the same side. It's the case of the strange bedfellows.

In this court case, free speech is like a plucky Rocky boxing Apollo Creed. He takes punch after punch, getting bloodied and staggering, but refuses to give it up. The final bell rings and Rocky comes out swinging like a man possessed and that's when an asteroid strikes the boxing ring, instantly vaporizing everyone for miles around -- that’s how thoroughly free speech did not win today.


Related: Even Judge Judy has more sense than the Supreme Court

The Lamb Shall Lay with the Lion

Say What?

Larry Flynt and Jerry Falwell we’re personal friends?

That’s just…surprising. You’ll remember in the 70’s Falwell sued him for $50 million (which was a lot of money back then), because Flynt published a full-page “interview” with the Reverend where he claimed to have lost his virginity…in an outhouse…to his own mother.

See back then, that was considered somewhat offensive. But the Supreme Court did the right thing and said offensive speech is still free speech and you don't get $50 million for having your feelings hurt.

Now for some hot, hot lamb on lion action!

News and Opinions That Nobody Asked For

Remember Jose Padilla the Chicago “dirty bomber” -- they picked him up 5 years ago for thinking about maybe planning a possible dirty bomb attack plan, possibly? Turns out he wasn’t, but this case was always unsettling for me not because I think dirty radiological bombs are “no biggie”, but because no charges were actually ever made and no evidence was actually ever presented against the guy. The Padilla story would make the shortest ever episode of NBC’s Law & Order because they cut out the law part, and the order part too.

Padilla is a gang member, an unattractive loser and most likely a bad man, but shit, US Government, you can’t just suck someone up off the street for 5 years without pressing charges. Dude’s a citizen--even Jeffrey Dahmer got a trial and he fucking ate people.

Just an FYI: US Post Office is raising the cost to mail a letter today, from 39 cents to 41.

I think that totally sucks--but that’s just my 2 cents.

With the new fare increase, less and less people are going postal now—just not the way they intended.

Bong Hits 4 Jesus

It's a silly nonsensical message, but this Supreme Court case actually has important ramifications for free speech. Specifically can schools and other public institutions limit speech if it contradicts their "educational mission"?

I say no.

Bong Hits 4 Jesus

Lady Justice

Recent Harper’s Index Item:

*Amount Judge Judy’s salary last year exceeded the combined salaries of the US Supreme Court: $23,243,000

No way, that just can’t be true--Harpers committed a typo.

Turns out it’s true. Supreme Court Justice is a pretty good gig if you can get it…the average SC Justice has a $194,000 salary, which is enough to keep anyone in black robes and cans of Coke. If you’re especially ambitious you can work your way to the top and become the SC Chief Justice for a nice little raise. The top guy pulls down $203,000. Of course they’re all working hard hearing cases, setting precedent, writing opinions and generally defining how the nation’s laws are to be interpreted.

Judge Judy on the other hand is a former judge acting as an arbiter in Small Claims Court where the maximum settlement is $5,000 and no lawyers are present. Mostly it’s next-door neighbors complaining about each other. Needless to say history-altering legal precedent is not being set in her chambers.

Judge Judy’s in the 3rd year of a $100 million 4-year contract meaning she got paid $25 million for last year. So mathematically she’s 14 times as important as the entire Supreme Court and 123 times as awesome as Chief Justice Roberts.

As the following chart proves:

She’s also a million times better than Judge Joe Brown times Judge Wapner. Based on belittling skills.

And even though King Solomon was the most famous judge of all (he’s the one who decided that two women claiming the same baby should each get half*) and absolute ruler of his people AND had 300 wives and 700 concubines—I’m pretty sure Judge Judy makes more money than he ever did too. And that’s just got to sting.

Related: The World’s Richest Bailiff

Byrd's [Judge Judy’s Bailiff] duties aren't onerous. He spends a fair amount of time doing crosswords that he affixes to an official-looking clipboard when the cameras are rolling.

* Case of Baby vs. Sharp Knife (later reversed on appeal)