Money Shot

Great interview about the history of the US dollar .

This article will help you make great small talk on your next date. Topics covered include the creation of the Secret Service; how our ancestors were almost all counterfeiters; and the fact that by 1860, over 10,000 types of currency were in circulation including one featuring Santa Claus.

Once the country began moving down the path of a common national currency, people started looking at money differently. Money became a means of cementing people’s allegiance to the United States: by handling it, you were tacitly putting faith in nation.

Oils well that ends well

An interesting map distorted to show known oil reserves. Notice Europe and Japan have practically shrunk off the face of the earth.

(via Neatorama. click to enlarge)

Is it just me, or are the Gulf States geopolitically like the Beverly Hillbillies? A little goofy, a little backwoods but then one day they’re shootin’ up some food and up from the ground comes abubblin’ crude. Now all of high society folks wans to make nice with them because they’re obscenely rich.

Just switch coonskin caps with head-to-toe burqas and the analogy is right there.

And like the Clampett's they’re always trying to impress the neighbors with ostentatious displays of wealth like this:
(Off the coast of Dubai, "The World" is a grouping of 300 manmade islands created as a planned community for the super-rich. Everyone gets their own private beach)

And this:
(At a cost of $4.1 billion, Al Burj will soon be the world's largest freestanding structure of any type at 555 meters. As a point of comparison, the Sears Tower is 442 meters tall. Tower envy?)

And check out this:

(The planned "Dancing Towers". Maybe you think spending gajillions on buildings made out of Jello isn't the best investment. Well you're not a bored sheik)

In conclusion, yee-haw!

Give me $50,000 or I abort my baby!

Wow...this website is...uh, rather bold:

http://helpmybabylive.com/

It comes down to this. If we can't raise the $50,000 in the next 3 months, we'll have to choose abortion. We don't like it, and we don't like the nature of our appeal, but it is what it is. We're asking you to donate money to us using the link to your left. Anything you can give would be appreciated.

A new nadir for American culture, or the wave of the future? Begging for money use to be so passé and street corner; but now it’s gotten all high-tech and tres chic -- this fall, begging is the new black.

I actually think this helpmybabylive.com website is a good thing, it’ll help get a lot of stupid money out of circulation. Money that might’ve otherwise bought a snowmobile or jetski and gotten someone hurt. Hats off to you, anonymous pregnant couple!

So that's why I've put together my own plea...

It comes down to this. I’ve got a lot of viable sperm, but I can’t raise them all without your help. I don’t like it, but I have to ask the Internet to give me $5 each. Otherwise, I’ll be forced to flush them down the toilet -- even though I respect life and stuff. I’m dead serious about this threat. Especially since Desperate Housewives is almost on. Please hurry!

(link via MetaFilter)

Bad Money

Today's financial advice, don't accept payment in any of these...

The World’s Worst Currencies


Especially shocking is the Zimbabwean Dollar's 3,714% inflation rate. Lesson for all grocers: Robert Mugabe's out-of-state personal checks are simply no good, even with appropriate ID.

(via Boing Boing)

Lady Justice

Recent Harper’s Index Item:

*Amount Judge Judy’s salary last year exceeded the combined salaries of the US Supreme Court: $23,243,000

No way, that just can’t be true--Harpers committed a typo.

Turns out it’s true. Supreme Court Justice is a pretty good gig if you can get it…the average SC Justice has a $194,000 salary, which is enough to keep anyone in black robes and cans of Coke. If you’re especially ambitious you can work your way to the top and become the SC Chief Justice for a nice little raise. The top guy pulls down $203,000. Of course they’re all working hard hearing cases, setting precedent, writing opinions and generally defining how the nation’s laws are to be interpreted.

Judge Judy on the other hand is a former judge acting as an arbiter in Small Claims Court where the maximum settlement is $5,000 and no lawyers are present. Mostly it’s next-door neighbors complaining about each other. Needless to say history-altering legal precedent is not being set in her chambers.

Judge Judy’s in the 3rd year of a $100 million 4-year contract meaning she got paid $25 million for last year. So mathematically she’s 14 times as important as the entire Supreme Court and 123 times as awesome as Chief Justice Roberts.

As the following chart proves:

She’s also a million times better than Judge Joe Brown times Judge Wapner. Based on belittling skills.

And even though King Solomon was the most famous judge of all (he’s the one who decided that two women claiming the same baby should each get half*) and absolute ruler of his people AND had 300 wives and 700 concubines—I’m pretty sure Judge Judy makes more money than he ever did too. And that’s just got to sting.

Related: The World’s Richest Bailiff

Byrd's [Judge Judy’s Bailiff] duties aren't onerous. He spends a fair amount of time doing crosswords that he affixes to an official-looking clipboard when the cameras are rolling.

* Case of Baby vs. Sharp Knife (later reversed on appeal)

Get rid of the Dollar

No more dollars!

So like, hey man, can I have your dollar? I gotta buy me a sandwich. Anything helps.

This year, the United States Treasury is trying to replace the one-dollar bill with a one-dollar coin. As the article notes, this is the fourth time they’ve tried to do this. The other 3 were failures:

There are good reasons to use dollar-coins vs. dollar-bills. Coins cost 3 times much to make, but last on average 30 years vs. a mere 22-months for a paper bill.

It’s one of those things like adopting the Metric system that makes sense. It’ll save the US Treasury money in the long run and other countries already do it, but also nobody cares.

From Slate:

But back to dollar bills: Why keep producing them? The Bureau of Engraving and Printing pumps out 3.4 billion fresh singles every year. Pressure from bill partisans at the BEP even kneecapped the Sacagawea ad campaign. According to the GAO, "an informal Treasury restriction" prohibited the Mint from suggesting that a coin was superior to a bill.

One TV spot showcasing a frustrating vending-machine moment (vvmp-vvvvmp, vvmp-vvvvmp) was scotched, after a combative meeting at the Treasury, on the grounds that it "negatively portrayed the dollar bill."

Who on earth thinks like this? People who have a vested interest in producing dollar bills, that's who. They come, principally, from three groups: The Bureau of Engraving and Printing; Mississippi cotton farmers, whose fibers make up the 100-percent-rag currency paper; and Crane & Company, a Massachusetts paper mill known for excellent stationery and a century-old papermaking contract with the government.

I love the battle-royale of big special interests that’s shaking up:

Pro-coin
· Vending Machine Industry (people spend more money when it’s in coin form and it’s cheaper to not fit machines with bill readers)
· Mining Interests (copper, zinc)
· Coin Collectors (people who live with their mothers)

Pro-bill
· Cotton Growers (the bills are 100% cotton fiber)
· Specialty Paper/Ink Suppliers
· Strippers' G-string Alliance
· People who do coke

It's pretty much a toss-up. But this time the US Treasury Department is taking no chances and have developed some sure-fire ad slogans to convince the American public to switch from dollar bills to dollar coins:

Ad #1
[scene: children sitting with elderly woman in front of a fireplace]

"Grandma, tell us another long-winded story about driving the Model-T Ford to a vaudeville show and paying using paper one-dollar bills.”

[Announcer voice-over: “Paper Dollars…Grandma…Pterodactyls….They’re all extinct. Evolve with the new Dollar Coin – It’s So Money! ™”]

Ad #2
[scene: Superbowl MVP directly shouting into camera]

"Hi, I'm Peyton Manning and I'm here to tell you just one thing: only monumental pussies still use dainty little paper doll-ars! Dollar coins: it's a Currency Touchdown!"

[fade out, next scene: MVP is shown in hottub with 3 bikini models. Dollar coins shower down from the ceiling]

Ad #3


Ad #4
[scene: man enters a crowded coffee shop]

"I used to be just a normal wimpy guy until the US Treasury Dept. convinced me that real manly men pay by slapping down a gleaming hunk of metal on the counter and motherfuckin’ roaring “Iced Soy Latte!!!” right into the barista’s ear"

[fade out, next scene: man is shown smoking in bed with the attractive barista. Dollar coins shower down from the ceiling]