The Chess Killer

We always knew that Russians loved chess. The greatest Grandmasters are of course Russian. As is the last human player to ever consistently beat the supercomputers.

When everything else fell apart socially, politically and economically, Russia still had their love of chess. But this might be taking things too far.

The serial killer charted his crimes on a chessboard, attaching a number and a coin to each square every time he struck. By the time he was caught, Alexander Pichushkin had filled in 62 of the 64 squares.

Most of the victims were elderly men whom 33-year-old Pichushkin lured to Bittsa Park in south- west Moscow with the promise of a drink. More than 40 died after he threw them into a sewage pit when they were too drunk to resist. The rest he killed with a hammer.

This is so messed up. When he’s in jail with the other serial killers, I bet they’re going to make fun of him for playing chess. He’s never going to hear the end of it from the preppy and the football serial killers.

Hot Meat

Slate asks, “Why is meat the most shoplifted item in America?”

Apparently it used to be cough syrup, with its usefulness in meth making, now it’s meat.

So why do American’s steal meat? It all comes down to 2 factors, which I’ve conveniently listed here as 3 factors:

Value Density - If Safeway left diamonds out in the candy aisle shelves; they’d be #1. Hot-air balloons may be expensive, but they’re not popular with shoplifters. Meat is valuable and small, and shoppers strongly prefer it be displayed on open shelves. Premium cuts can fetch up to $20/pound. Not exactly gold, but little old ladies can easily whisk away $100 worth of merchandise, or meat-andise as they call it in the business.

Opportunity - The reason meat is #1 is because security has clamped down on the prior #1s. Cough syrup is now behind the counter. Replacement razor blades have security tags. Hard alcohol is placed in well-patrolled open areas.

Meat is different - customers use to ask the friendly butcher, who could reach under the counter and give them a big Italian sausage they craved. Or go back into the stockroom for a little taste of salami. Now shoppers don’t have time for that old-fashioned personal attention; they just want to quickly shove a pre-wrapped package in their basket. Sure it satisfies shoppers -- but it makes shoplifting easier -- and since the product is so perishable, supermarkets go along with it to keep their meat moving.

Symbolism – In America, meat eating represents good eating and better cuts such as filet mignon, epitomize luxury itself. In one sense, there’s a better life just within reach at the refrigerated display unit, and it’s not surprising that some % of shoppers would be tempted grab it -- to grab life by the horns, if you will. The article is good at alluding to the “I deserve it” factor. But they completely miss the “Meat down my pants”-is-kinda-funny factor.


And I quite like the article’s concluding sentence:

So, more innovation is required in the battle against meatlifting. Meat-sniffing dogs pop to mind, though some shoppers might object to having a Doberman nosing around their crotches in search of stolen steaks.

I like that the author describes the interaction between bored rent-a-cops and bored teenagers as a “battle”; and especially that he invents the term “meatlifting”. Heh heh. If only I had a word like that handy for my college girlfriend -- you know, like for the Jobs & Duties section of her resume.

Related: What is the Meatrix? And why does it have such shoddy production values?

America’s Most Wanted

How to get on the FBI's list of top fugitives

The FBI runs the worlds’ most famous Top Ten List. Unlike Billboard’s Top Ten, which is pretty straightforward as the highest selling albums of the week, the workings of the FBI Fugitive List are murky.

The FBI List doesn’t even rank by body count. Of course Osama Bin Laden is up there, he’s like the Beyonce of the fugitive world, always in demand. But then you have some overrated molesters and drug dealers on the top ten who may not even have killed anyone, much like the American Idol contestants of crime.

Only when an existing Most Wanted gets caught or dies does a spot open up on the list. Aspiring criminals only get one shot at the top and it's a make or break moment. Open slots gets filled by an FBI sub-committee informed by survey results from the Bureau’s 56 field offices. They consider the criminal’s dangerousness but also whether publicity will help bring them to justice. Avril Lavigne will never make the list. She’s talks like she’s dangerous, but isn’t; and publicity just seems to encourage her.

The historically male-dominated Most Wanted List now has a lone female fugitive on it -- which just shows that a woman can do anything a man can do, if she puts her mind to it.