The Stranger has good headlines

The title just grabs you. Baby Dumbfuck

Related: Baby Einstein smackdown

Black Women: Waiting for Mr. White

According to this CNN culture story, there’s a hot new romantic trend of “dating out” and here’s why:

Black women around the country are reconsidering interracial relationships. They're taking cues from their favorite stars, movies, books, as well as blogs.

No doubt relationships are transcending race as never before in this country. But the article’s wrong on the root causes, suggesting that it’s because of the media. The media like CNN would say something like that in the media, because they love the media.

Breaking it down: What kind of movies are increasing the prevalence of interracial dating--the entire film oeuvre of Sidney Pottier? Maybe when dinosaurs roamed the earth in the mid-60s. Perhaps it's more modern mainstream movies like like Do the White Thing? Or Black to the Future? Or All the White Moves? Maybe those that break a double taboo like Brokeblack Mountain?

Books make even less sense. Less people read than look at moving things and is anyone taking relationship or sex advise from famous authors? No!

Exhibit #1,2 & 3...

Note: Stephen King's come-hither look removing all traces of sexy from the atmosphere.

Are Blogs influential enough to overturn prejudice and reshape American society? Will anyone do what a blog tells them to do. That seems highly dubious. By the way, I'm having a major operation and need everyone in America to send me a $1,000 check. I personally wouldn't ask, but it's not me, it's the internet that's asking.

Point is, the media is not making interracial dating happen. What’s making this happen, is the fact that people like to boink. Or to put it more romantically: life is too short to ponder race when it comes to love.

Besides this hoopla will all be laughably irrelevant in the year 3000.

Related: Our first black President,Warren G. Harding was stiff, white, and a Republican

Pitchy

How to pitch a screenplay to Steven Spielberg

-You're on speakerphone. Could you please tell us all a little more about, um, your unique concept?

-You mean Rapebear, the bear that rapes?

I just love this image

The first pig in space getting fuelled up for his mission. (click for more stills)

(via Boing Boing)

A knuckle sandwich for the Kaiser

It's the summer of 1914, with hostilities declared, Britain had a problem. Hardly anyone was in its army, yet it was in a World War, which they didn’t even have the foresight to call World War I.

What they needed was some way to get hooligans out of the pubs and into the killing fields. Many did not seem keen on the idea. So how?
Posters.

Poster #1, to the right, is a good one and has become iconic in the years hence. The look on the guy's face as his ungrateful daughter questions his manliness is priceless.

"You want to know what I did in the Great War? Your mother, that's what. Now go be seen and not heard, ye mouthy whippersnap"

But still, you feel guilty with a poster like this, so poster #1 is effective recruitment. Makes you want to sign up for WWI, like right away! Just hope it's not too late.






Poster #2 is bad propaganda. The source for it's call to arms comes from an ugly place. Demonizing the enemy as baby-bayonetting business men just seems like a cheap shot. It's simply not good business practice to bayonet babies, margins are already paper thin and bayonet maintenance makes it hardly worth the trouble.

Poster #2 must've seemed ham-handed even back then. If I were a hooligan reading this, I'd stay saddled up to the bar to hit on some lonely war widows. It worked out pretty well for that guy in poster #1.

(link via Digg.com)

Update: Even more awesome posters

Gym Based Mysteries

Today, there’s this guy working out with his attractive girlfriend and I could not stop staring at him. Because their attractiveness differential was so impressive.

The girlfriend was traditionally pretty, quite fit, a real looker.

This guy on the other hand had a pudgy ogre-type physique: imagine Kevin James mating with Shrek; now stop imagining that. Additionally, he’s unevenly bald and not exactly making up for it in the face department. Guy’s not hideous exactly, but he doesn’t have that jovial big-guy face that could redeem the situation.

The mystery here, how did this couple ever become a couple?*

Regardless of how, the inescapable conclusion is that this guy should be president. Gym Guy in ’08.




*In the name of science, I tried to casually check him out in the locker room. But it started to get awkward.

Movie Review: Match Point

Watched Woody Allen’s latest on DVD last night. It’s good film; the old man still makes very good films. And it’s entirely comedy free (on purpose). Like Annie Hall (1976), the setting is the world of educated, yet neurotic; financially comfortable, yet wanting social urbanites. Match Point (2005) happens to be set in London instead of Allen’s beloved NYC but he still absolutely nails the posh dialogue.

Match Point also has Annie Hall’s quirky meet-cute scenario; relationship navel-gazing; and a love that initially blossoms but ultimately fades. Unlike Annie Hall, there’s a gruesome shotgun blast double homicide.

I don’t recall if neurotic Alvy Singer ever filed down a shotgun while laying in wait to murder Annie. Maybe it was one of the Annie Hall deleted scenes. I'll have to check the DVD for extras.

So Match Point can be found in your video store’s drama section. The themes it explores include:

Luck - How we may delude ourselves into thinking that hard work and intuitive goodness determines what we achieve in life, but how so much is just dumb, blind luck. Luck in tennis is the metaphor here for luck in life.

Class – The main character is poor Irish tennis-pro but works hard to move up. He’s well read, appreciates fine culture and through chance at the opera meets a lovely girl and marries into her wealthy London family. He’s set up for life but jeopardizes it all for a torrid affair with a smokin’ hot sultress played convincingly (method acting, perhaps?) by Scarlett Johansson. The cinematography is so good, you practically taste the sultry temptation.

Destructive Desire – I found it a bit awkward to watch a hot adulterous affair with my significant other. The tennis pro’s caught in a web of lies and keeps spinning. I’m on the couch stuffing my mouth with popcorn, avoiding eye contact. He wants to keep his comfortable life but wants to have the passionate woman too. I don’t want to get punched in the arm.

As a man, I felt vicariously guilty. Especially since I’d so have a hot adulterous affair with Scarlett Johansson. So if you’re reading this right now…[makes “call me” hand sign]. I feel guilty already.

Justice – The plot recalls Allen’s previous dark drama Crimes and Misdemeanors and that Russian guy’s Crime and Punishment. Reasonable circumstances get out of control and the tennis-pro reaches a morbid conclusion that should not be reached.

In a dream, he muses:

It would be fitting if I were apprehended... and punished. At least there would be some small sign of justice - some small measure of hope for the possibility of meaning.

On some level, he wants to get caught. And he was sloppy in execution, almost inviting his condemnation. The universe remains indifferent.

Plot - The plotting is commendably even and not to spoil the surprise ending, but...Harry Potter dies in the end. Also, Rosebud is a sled.

Summary - Match Point is pretty darn good. It's been hailed as both a critical and commercial success and heralds a welcome return to form for Woody Allen. Critics rate it 4.5 out of 5 possible asian stepchild brides.

Cheapness Studies

Apparently, day-of-week matters when you’re buying certain things. If you must buy things, and many of us do, then read the article to know when.

Dinner Out

When to Buy: Tuesday.

Why: Most restaurants do not receive food deliveries over the weekend. "Sunday is the garbage-can day of the week," says Kate Krader, senior editor at Food & Wine magazine. "No doubt, they're cleaning out their fridges. Tuesdays, they're starting fresh." Dining out on that day offers the best odds you'll get a meal worth paying for, no matter your price point.

Gas

When to Buy: Thursday, before 10 a.m.

Why: The price of oil isn't the only factor influencing costs at your local pump. Consumer usage plays a role, too — and weekend demand is high, prices usually swing upward on Thursdays as travelers fuel up to head out the following day. By hitting the pump before 10 a.m. (when many station owners change their prices), you'll beat the rush and the price jump.

Jealous?

I'm in southern Ohio!!!! For 2 weeks!!!! Suckas!!!!

A Good Band Name...

Inflatable Giant Monkey Scrotum

Multiple Sushi Sclerosis

You probably didn’t know this, but Seattle has the highest rate of Multiple Sclerosis in America. It’s about 3 times the rate of southern states and the reasons are somewhat of a medical mystery.

Anyway, I’m eating at my favorite sushi restaurant ($1 rolls at lunch, pretty decent quality) and I go into the men’s room. On the wall is a public service poster that reads:

“The Pacific Northwest has the highest incidence of MS in the nation. If you experience symptoms, get diagnosed!”

Then there’s a beautiful montage image of Mount Rainer, a waterfall, and some of Seattle’s lush evergreen forests with text asking intriguing questions:

“Is it in the air?
“In the water?”
“In the trees?”

To which someone scrawled in ballpoint pen: “Is it in the sushi?”

Still Dead, Still the Man

Kurt Vonnegut: AV Club remembers the man

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.


Related.

Bottled Up Inside

Eloquent informed anti-endorsement of bottled water called Bottled Water Is Still A Scam. And it is.

A little ironic, but Google Ads attached these 2 ads...

Bottled Water Delivery
Get Delivery of Fresh Spring Water- Poland Spring, Arrowhead & More.
Delivery.Arrowheadwater.com

Private Label Water
Custom Labels for any occasion! 5 case minimum order (120 bottles)
www.collingwoodwater.com

China Takes the Lead

Another distressing trend, the US is losing its leadership in a field where it's traditionally led the world: misinformed backwoods hijinx. Chinese peasants have inadvertently been eating fossils.

Villagers in central China spent decades digging up bones they believed belonged to flying dragons and using them in traditional medicines. These were dinosaur fossils, which were boiled with other ingredients and fed to children to treat dizziness and leg cramps.

So we have rural folks with some wildly misinformed beliefs; a distrust of doctors with their fancy doctorin'; and a willingness to put anything whatsoever in their mouths.

This is China, but could've just as easily been Georgia. Let’s bring the pride back home.

Fourth of July!

Happy Birthday, Jesus!