Monday, April 2, 2007

At the gym this afternoon...

There’s this pretty decent-looking older lady, maybe mid-/late-30s, who I swear, kept making orgasm/sex noises while exercising. She’d start a set at one of the machines and be inaudible until the 2nd or 3rd repetition; at which point I’d start hearing little ooooh’s and uhh's, which gradually build in volume. By the 10th rep, it’s pretty awkward and I had trouble concentrating on stupid sit-ups or whatever.

The woman wore these bulky old-school headphones and probably doesn’t know how she sounds. I’d like to be the Good Samaritan and tell her (just like if someone had toilet paper stuck to their shoe, or spinach in their teeth), but how does one broach such a delicate subject without looking like a moist pervert?


HogWild said...

The mature thing to do is to confront this person and respectfully share your feelings regarding her behavior.

But who wants to do that?

Instead, you should make eye contact with this moaning, giant headphone wearing woman... then arch your left eyebrow while slowly biting your lower lip.

If this doesn't make her uncomfortable enough to modify her behavior, then I suggest you be more direct.

Without warning, pull off her headphones, then in a mocking voice mimic her moaning sounds. "Oh! Oh! Oooh! Oh!" Then let go of her headphones causing them to snap back onto her head.

Then wrinkle up your face in an expression that shouts, "What the hell is wrong with you" as you point to the stiff raging boner she has caused to rise in your sweat pants.

Paul said...

She’s a menace to the gym and must be stopped! There’s nothing more tragic than when innocent bystanders have to suffer senseless erections. I was forced to change up the entire workout plan to include unexpected Boner squats. Boner curls. The Boner press. And many Boner lunges.